"English is the most widely used language in the history of our planet. One in every seven human beings can speak it. More than half of the world's books and three-quarters of international mail are in English. Of all languages, English has the largest vocabulary and one of the noblest bodies of literature. Nonetheless, let's face it: English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, neither pine nor apple in pineapple and no ham in hamburger. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.
We take English for granted. But when we explore its paradoxes, we find that quiksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, public bathrooms have no baths and a guinea pig is neither a pig nor from Guinea.
And why is it that writers write, singers sing, but porters don't port -rather they carry things? If the plurar of tooth is teeth, why is the plurar of booth booths and not beeth? One goose, two geese, so why one moose, two moose and not two meese? One mouse, two mice, so why one house, two houses and not two hice? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does an humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I wonder if all English speakers are crazy. In what other language do you have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slime chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot of and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell and cold as hell the next?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which your alarm clock goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which of course, isn't really a race at all). That is why, when stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch I start it, but when I wind up this essay I end it".